feelings

I hate feeling like I'm not good enough. 
I hate feeling like I've done everything wrong. 
I hate feeling like I don't belong anywhere.
I hate feeling like no one loves me.

Well,
Satan loves it when I feel like I'm not good enough.
Satan loves it when I feel like I've done everything wrong.
Satan loves it when I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
Satan loves it when I feel like no one loves me.

Even better,
God loves me when I feel like I'm not good enough.
God loves me when I feel like I've done everything wrong.
God loves me when I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
God loves me when I feel like no one loves me.

But:
I know I'm not good enough but the blood of Jesus covers me and that's enough.
I know that I will do things wrong but I do things right too.
I know that I belong in the family of God, and I know I belong at my church.
I know people love me, and I need to show my love to them even if they don't show it to me.

Oh, and by the way, God loves you too!

Blessings

¹ “Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD.
² “Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.
³ For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will

dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities.

⁴ “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace;

you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
⁵ For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.

Isaiah 54:1-5

I love this scripture!  I am barren because I have no physical children of my own (I don't know this medically - I'm using it as a reference).  But God has blessed me spiritually in many ways.  I am blessed to have a closer relationship with my niece and nephews that an aunt normally would have, I think.  I love them dearly, and I'm blessed to have Rae, Ry, and Nick in my life (even if Nick is in another country right now).  I am blessed to work in a church that has a thriving kids' ministry.  :-)  So the things that I like to worry about at times, God has already answered in my life.  I have a big tent full of children, and a Groom coming to take me home one day.  What more could a girl ask for?

 

 

Communication

It seems like every Bible verse or devotional email I have gotten this week has been about words.  Not to mention friends' facebook statuses.  And of course, this is the week of all weeks when my words have probably been the worst.  Ask anyone close to me and they could probably tell you.  Proverbs is full of wisdom (duh) about speech.  Like some of the following (all references KJV):

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.  Prov. 25:11

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.  Prov. 15:1

Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know

how ye ought to answer every man.  Colossians 4:6 

Let me assure you that my speech has been the opposite of this all week.  Maybe not so much today.  The saying from when we were kids that words don't hurt aren't true at all.  Words have the power to hurt, and the power to heal, but unfortunately the soul takes longer to heal from hurtful words that should never have been said in the first place. 

So not only do words hurt, words can reveal the hurt that is hiding inside of someone.  The words coming out of my mouth this week have been a strong indicator of the status of my heart. 

A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good;

and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil.

For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.  Luke 6:45 NKJV

I've had trash in my heart and trash has been coming out of my mouth.  I never knew that there was such a thing as trash seeds, but there is.  They were planted in my mind by the enemy.  God gives us ways to get them out of our mind, but unfortunately, I have coddled, watered, transplanted, harvested, and planted some more all the seeds in my mind.  I don't like the result.  When I do these things, I become the complete opposite of the woman that God wants me to be.  The result of this trash in my heart, is that trash comes out that hurts others, and I may be keeping other women from being what God wants them to be. 

It's a cycle that needs to stop in me.  I don't like who it makes me, and I don't like the person that it would make me years down the road.  I've met people like this and I don't want this to be me.  I want to be completely different.  So, I'll say good night, because I have a lot of trash to take out tonight.