I hate feeling like I'm not good enough.
I hate feeling like I've done everything wrong.
I hate feeling like I don't belong anywhere.
I hate feeling like no one loves me.
Well,
Satan loves it when I feel like I'm not good enough.
Satan loves it when I feel like I've done everything wrong.
Satan loves it when I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
Satan loves it when I feel like no one loves me.
Even better,
God loves me when I feel like I'm not good enough.
God loves me when I feel like I've done everything wrong.
God loves me when I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
God loves me when I feel like no one loves me.
But:
I know I'm not good enough but the blood of Jesus covers me and that's enough.
I know that I will do things wrong but I do things right too.
I know that I belong in the family of God, and I know I belong at my church.
I know people love me, and I need to show my love to them even if they don't show it to me.
Oh, and by the way, God loves you too!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Blessings
1 “Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will
burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
than of her who has a husband,” says the LORD.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent, stretch your tent curtains wide,
do not hold back; lengthen your cords, strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread out to the right and to the left; your descendants will
dispossess nations and settle in their desolate cities.
4 “Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. Do not fear disgrace;
you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
5 For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
5 For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.
Isaiah 54:1-5
I love this scripture! I am barren because I have no physical children of my own (I don't know this medically - I'm using it as a reference). But God has blessed me spiritually in many ways. I am blessed to have a closer relationship with my niece and nephews that an aunt normally would have, I think. I love them dearly, and I'm blessed to have Rae, Ry, and Nick in my life (even if Nick is in another country right now). I am blessed to work in a church that has a thriving kids' ministry. :-) So the things that I like to worry about at times, God has already answered in my life. I have a big tent full of children, and a Groom coming to take me home one day. What more could a girl ask for?
Communication
It seems like every Bible verse or devotional email I have gotten this week has been about words. Not to mention friends' facebook statuses. And of course, this is the week of all weeks when my words have probably been the worst. Ask anyone close to me and they could probably tell you. Proverbs is full of wisdom (duh) about speech. Like some of the following (all references KJV):
A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. Prov. 25:11
A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Prov. 15:1
Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know
how ye ought to answer every man. Colossians 4:6
Let me assure you that my speech has been the opposite of this all week. Maybe not so much today. The saying from when we were kids that words don't hurt aren't true at all. Words have the power to hurt, and the power to heal, but unfortunately the soul takes longer to heal from hurtful words that should never have been said in the first place.
So not only do words hurt, words can reveal the hurt that is hiding inside of someone. The words coming out of my mouth this week have been a strong indicator of the status of my heart.
A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good;
and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil.
For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks. Luke 6:45 NKJV
I've had trash in my heart and trash has been coming out of my mouth. I never knew that there was such a thing as trash seeds, but there is. They were planted in my mind by the enemy. God gives us ways to get them out of our mind, but unfortunately, I have coddled, watered, transplanted, harvested, and planted some more all the seeds in my mind. I don't like the result. When I do these things, I become the complete opposite of the woman that God wants me to be. The result of this trash in my heart, is that trash comes out that hurts others, and I may be keeping other women from being what God wants them to be.
It's a cycle that needs to stop in me. I don't like who it makes me, and I don't like the person that it would make me years down the road. I've met people like this and I don't want this to be me. I want to be completely different. So, I'll say good night, because I have a lot of trash to take out tonight.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
FIRE!
When I say "battle," I mean spiritual battles. I feel so battered and bruised this week. The enemy knows where the vulnerable spots in my armor are, and he aims at them every time. The bad thing is that many times the arrow barely pierces my armor, but then I take it and shove it all the way in. I can tell you, nothing messes up my morning more than having a fiery dart from the enemy running back and forth in my mind. Once I get that fiery dart in my mind, I just add fuel to the fire and pretty soon I am a spontaneous uncombusting human. The sad thing about the whole uncombusting thing is that I have a Fireman that is with me all the time. Most of the time it just takes a well-versed phrase to put out the fire. Then all is well with my day again. It's AMAZING how quick the fire can go out. What is even more amazing is the fact that this Fireman comes to put out fires that I usually accelerate. I've always been told that if you holler "wolf" (or fire in this instance), people will stop listening and will no longer come to help you, especially if you have made the fire spread more. The great thing about this Fireman is that He will not only put out the fire, He wrote a manual about it, and after He puts out the fire, He will hold you and let you cry it out. I am falling in love with this Fireman and this fact about Him makes me love Him even more. (Out pops a rabbit that I'll chase for a little bit...)
Speaking of love, I did a little study on the word this week. Like how different is the word "love" as used between Isaac and Rebekah and the word "love" used in reference to "Love the Lord with all your heart." The first love (according to the original translation of the word - and I am speaking on what I ascertained from my Strong's concordance) is more like a Pepe le Pieu type love, the Woohoo! gonna get me some of that love. The second love is more of a head knowledge type love, you fall in love because of what you find out about the person and what you know about them. So I've been trying to do that this week. Focusing on the aspects of God that make me love Him.
One of the things that I've noticed over the course of time is that my heart knows who it belongs too. Many times have I tried to turn and go in the other direction, however my heart doesn't let me get very far. It knows that my path lies in the other direction. I may be stuck for a little bit before I turn around, but things always go so much better when I get turned around. And I know that when I turn around, His arms are waiting to catch me and hold me close. What more could a girl ask for? When I accepted His gift of salvation, I gave Him my heart and my life. Who better to take care of them than the one who brought them into being?
I chased that rabbit for a little bit but I think I needed to because I've been under a constant barrage of fiery darts this evening. So it's time for me to grab my sword, polish my shield, and do some lion hunting! Sweet dreams, people!
Speaking of love, I did a little study on the word this week. Like how different is the word "love" as used between Isaac and Rebekah and the word "love" used in reference to "Love the Lord with all your heart." The first love (according to the original translation of the word - and I am speaking on what I ascertained from my Strong's concordance) is more like a Pepe le Pieu type love, the Woohoo! gonna get me some of that love. The second love is more of a head knowledge type love, you fall in love because of what you find out about the person and what you know about them. So I've been trying to do that this week. Focusing on the aspects of God that make me love Him.
One of the things that I've noticed over the course of time is that my heart knows who it belongs too. Many times have I tried to turn and go in the other direction, however my heart doesn't let me get very far. It knows that my path lies in the other direction. I may be stuck for a little bit before I turn around, but things always go so much better when I get turned around. And I know that when I turn around, His arms are waiting to catch me and hold me close. What more could a girl ask for? When I accepted His gift of salvation, I gave Him my heart and my life. Who better to take care of them than the one who brought them into being?
I chased that rabbit for a little bit but I think I needed to because I've been under a constant barrage of fiery darts this evening. So it's time for me to grab my sword, polish my shield, and do some lion hunting! Sweet dreams, people!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
I shall return...
I have not disappeared, I promise. I am just currently buried underneath a pile of thoughts, projects, and other things....there are a lot of thoughts rolling around in my mind just begging to be released.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
The King's Great Sacrifice - a fable
The city is buzzing with activity. Shouts of "It's here! It's here!" can be heard throughout the streets. The boat bringing goods from a far off land has just sailed up to the dock. This is not just any ordinary ship. This ship appears to have the finest goods from lands both far and near. People swarm the dock to get a glimpse of what might be on the ship to tempt their unsatisfied lives. However, today, the ship is carrying a different type of cargo. Today, the ship is full of slaves. The Captain of the ship leads the slaves out on deck. The people of the city line up to get a glimpse of these slaves. They are all in bondage to the Captain for various reasons, some more serious than the others. Most had been tricked into slavery by following the Captain as he led them astray. They are murderers, thieves, liars, lovers of money, gossipers, slanderers, and idolaters. The Captain of the ship has set the same price for them all.
He leads the first slave up to the auction block. "Who wants this slave?" the Captain asks. "He's a hard worker, and does not require very much food." The truth was that this slave was not a very hard worker, lazy, and eats way too much food. No one stepped up to claim him, for none could afford what the Captain wanted for him.
The next slave steps up to the auction block. This one is a young woman. She is thin, and does not look like she would be a very good worker. Again, no one steps up to purchase her. The next slave is an old man. He is so weak he cannot stand. The people from the city know that he would not be worth the price, even if the Captain did not want very much for him. No one steps forward to claim him either.
One by one, the slave line up. Old, young, feeble, weak, malnourished, too lazy to do any work. There are some that might be able to do some work, but none that are worth the price that the Captain is asking. The Captain looks throughout the crowd. "Surely there is someone willing to purchase one of these slaves." But there is none willing to pay the price. No one wants to pay such a high price for a worthless slave.
Then, there is a stirring at the back of the crowd. The people of the city start to whisper, "It's the King! The King has come to purchase a slave!" The King lived among the city people. He came into their homes, spoke with them daily, and made sure that the citizens had everything that they needed.
As the King comes forward, the crowd parts to let him through. "How much are you wanting for these slaves?" he asks the Captain. "Just a firstborn and only son" said the Captain, "and no one seems to want to pay that price. But I've travelled a long way, and I cannot accept less than that."
The King then knew was he must do. His beloved son, living in the castle in the hills above the city, must be given to save these slaves. The King knew that the Captain would not carry these people any further, but that throw them into the sea to die. So the King sent for his son, who went willingly with the Captain, so these slave would have a chance at life.
As the Captain set sail with the King's son, the King took the slaves with him back into the city. He cleaned them up, gave them the things that they needed, and then set them free. He knew that none them would be able to do the things that his son did, but he wanted them to tell others about what his son had done for them. He thought that they would be more willing to spread the word if he set them free. Some were willing to tell others, but most just went on their way, doing what they had done before.
As the Captain sailed off with the King's son, he changed course to sail over shark-infested waters. His plan had been to get the King's son all along, and then feed him to the sharks. So as they sailed over the sharky waters, in went the King's son and down he went, into the deep dark recesses of the ocean. And the Captain sailed on, looking for other people to trap into slavery.
But that is not the end of the story. Three days after being thrown into the water, the King's son comes out of the ocean, and back into the Kingdom of his father, to live among the people there. The Captain just thought that he had won....
The moral of this story? There are none of us slaves that are worth the price that was paid for us. I have been struggling with the "I am an unprofitable servant" (refer back to earlier blog post) verse in the New Testament for weeks now. I thought I had figured it out, but a new thought occurred to me this morning. I am an unprofitable servant, because I can never do enough, or make enough to pay back the price that was paid for me. There is nothing I can do that can equal the sacrifice of the King's one and only Son. In my eyes, I am not worth the price that was paid for me. But in the King's eyes, He loved me enough to give up His Son so that I might have life. I just pray that I am one of the ones willing to spread the news so others can know about the wonderful thing that the King's son has done.
He leads the first slave up to the auction block. "Who wants this slave?" the Captain asks. "He's a hard worker, and does not require very much food." The truth was that this slave was not a very hard worker, lazy, and eats way too much food. No one stepped up to claim him, for none could afford what the Captain wanted for him.
The next slave steps up to the auction block. This one is a young woman. She is thin, and does not look like she would be a very good worker. Again, no one steps up to purchase her. The next slave is an old man. He is so weak he cannot stand. The people from the city know that he would not be worth the price, even if the Captain did not want very much for him. No one steps forward to claim him either.
One by one, the slave line up. Old, young, feeble, weak, malnourished, too lazy to do any work. There are some that might be able to do some work, but none that are worth the price that the Captain is asking. The Captain looks throughout the crowd. "Surely there is someone willing to purchase one of these slaves." But there is none willing to pay the price. No one wants to pay such a high price for a worthless slave.
Then, there is a stirring at the back of the crowd. The people of the city start to whisper, "It's the King! The King has come to purchase a slave!" The King lived among the city people. He came into their homes, spoke with them daily, and made sure that the citizens had everything that they needed.
As the King comes forward, the crowd parts to let him through. "How much are you wanting for these slaves?" he asks the Captain. "Just a firstborn and only son" said the Captain, "and no one seems to want to pay that price. But I've travelled a long way, and I cannot accept less than that."
The King then knew was he must do. His beloved son, living in the castle in the hills above the city, must be given to save these slaves. The King knew that the Captain would not carry these people any further, but that throw them into the sea to die. So the King sent for his son, who went willingly with the Captain, so these slave would have a chance at life.
As the Captain set sail with the King's son, the King took the slaves with him back into the city. He cleaned them up, gave them the things that they needed, and then set them free. He knew that none them would be able to do the things that his son did, but he wanted them to tell others about what his son had done for them. He thought that they would be more willing to spread the word if he set them free. Some were willing to tell others, but most just went on their way, doing what they had done before.
As the Captain sailed off with the King's son, he changed course to sail over shark-infested waters. His plan had been to get the King's son all along, and then feed him to the sharks. So as they sailed over the sharky waters, in went the King's son and down he went, into the deep dark recesses of the ocean. And the Captain sailed on, looking for other people to trap into slavery.
But that is not the end of the story. Three days after being thrown into the water, the King's son comes out of the ocean, and back into the Kingdom of his father, to live among the people there. The Captain just thought that he had won....
The moral of this story? There are none of us slaves that are worth the price that was paid for us. I have been struggling with the "I am an unprofitable servant" (refer back to earlier blog post) verse in the New Testament for weeks now. I thought I had figured it out, but a new thought occurred to me this morning. I am an unprofitable servant, because I can never do enough, or make enough to pay back the price that was paid for me. There is nothing I can do that can equal the sacrifice of the King's one and only Son. In my eyes, I am not worth the price that was paid for me. But in the King's eyes, He loved me enough to give up His Son so that I might have life. I just pray that I am one of the ones willing to spread the news so others can know about the wonderful thing that the King's son has done.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Hoarding in my emotional closet
So I am a big fan of hoarders. Don't ask me why. It just fascinates me how people can take items that many people would consider trash and want to hold onto them. It's not very easy to understand why they would want to hold onto these items, but then they start telling about their lives and how they got to the point of holding onto everything. Many of the items have some type of emotional connection to an earlier time in their lives or some loved one that they've lost. When I hear their stories, it becomes a little easier to understand, this need to fill their lives with something other than what they have gone through in the past.
I think that I do the same thing with my emotional closet. I have a lot of stuff buried that I drag out because I'm attached to them. Some things I think I've gotten rid of and then find them again when I'm rearranging other things in my emotional closet. So I have this 1,000 gallon garbage bag full of emotional that is stuck in my mind. It may be huge but I do have the ability to hide it on occasion.
Well, I uncovered it recently. I have been digging through the bag for days. Taking things out and putting them in a pile and then putting them back in the bag. These are things that are really hard to hand over to God. I think I'm speaking for Him in my mind and not sitting still and listening enough. Well, I'm listening. But I'm listening to the rats hiding in the closet and not the professional organizer waiting outside to help me clean the junk out. So I'm gonna close now. Apparently I have some house cleaning to do.
I think that I do the same thing with my emotional closet. I have a lot of stuff buried that I drag out because I'm attached to them. Some things I think I've gotten rid of and then find them again when I'm rearranging other things in my emotional closet. So I have this 1,000 gallon garbage bag full of emotional that is stuck in my mind. It may be huge but I do have the ability to hide it on occasion.
Well, I uncovered it recently. I have been digging through the bag for days. Taking things out and putting them in a pile and then putting them back in the bag. These are things that are really hard to hand over to God. I think I'm speaking for Him in my mind and not sitting still and listening enough. Well, I'm listening. But I'm listening to the rats hiding in the closet and not the professional organizer waiting outside to help me clean the junk out. So I'm gonna close now. Apparently I have some house cleaning to do.
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