Preoccupation with Positive Pessimism

I don't even know if I spelled that right.  You all know how preoccupied I can be with my marital status.  Well, I decided to be preoccupied with the marital status of someone else, and I've decided to start a blog about it.  I'm not really sure if I should advertise as I really don't want people to know it's me, but I know there are like only two of you that check in here so here goes....

My greatx3 aunt (I believe ancestry calls it second grand aunt or something like that) never married.  When I found out about her a couple of years ago through my dad's cousin, I was fascinated.  I have been fascinated ever since.  The fact that she was a Miller like me (or rather Mueller) fascinates me even more.  I know how I feel being a single in this date and time, I can't imagine what it was like in the 1800s.  This is why I decided to start a blog about it.  I don't think I will be able to find out much about her, so I'm going to use my imagination to fill in her "dash" - mainly for my own enjoyment but you are welcome to join in if you want.  The new blog is here.  I'm still working on the layout and everything so bear with me (and the picture is not my aunt but actually my great grandmother who married into the Miller family - see below).  

This is my great-grandpa Miller.  I think I have his eyes.

This is my great-grandma Miller.  I've been told I have her chin.

Good night, and Happy Resurrection Day!

Growth

This is my prayer plant. I got it from my grandmother. Sadly, it used to be a lot bigger when my grandmother had it. I've managed to almost kill it a couple of times, but it's been hanging in there. This growth of this prayer plant is a mirror image to my own spiritual growth.

I think my prayer plant needs two things to grow really well. The first thing my prayer plant needs is lots of Sonlight. If I forget to open the curtains a couple if days in a row, my leaves get all wilty. It only takes a little Sonlight to get them vibrant again.

Second, my prayer plant needs water. I equate the water the bread of the Holy Word. When I forget to water, the plant starts to shrivel. It's really starting to grow now. How long this will last, I don't know. But it's a lot like my life. When I don't have Sonlight and living water, I start to shrivel.

Bitter waters

How can a group of people see the hand of God at work to set them free and then later want to return to the very captivity from which they had been set free?  I've wondered this many times.  Then I take a look at my own life, and see the very same thing.  God's hand has been very visible many times during my life.   There have been times, that I have not been able to see it, but yet I know that it is still there.  So what do I do most of the time? Grumble and complain because my life is not going the way I want it to, weep and wail because my future looks empty.  I read a passage of scripture that kind of hit this on the nose last night.  And what do you know, it was about the Israelites on their Exodus. 

 

²² Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shur. For three days they traveled in the desert without finding water. ²³ When they came to Marah, they could not drink its water because it was bitter. (That is why the place is called Marah.^[a]) ²⁴ So the people grumbled against Moses, saying, “What are we to drink?”

²⁵ Then Moses cried out to the Lord, and the Lord showed him a piece of wood. He threw it into the water, and the water became fit to drink.

There the Lord issued a ruling and instruction for them and put them to the test.

Exodus 15:22-25 NIV

 

The translation I read last night referred to the piece of wood as a tree.  The word "tree" made me think about another tree, a tree very crucial to our belief.  The tree on which our Lord died.  (so I may be getting out of historical context or whatever, that's not the point I am trying to make).  So I was kinda thinking of this whole scripture and applying it to my life.  There are times I feel like I'm travelling through a desert.  The sips of water I get are bitter and don't seem very satisfying.  I grumble and complain (making me wander around in the desert some more).  There has been more than one Red Sea in my life, and God has brought me through on dry ground.  So why do I grumble and complain?  Because I don't take time to remember the "tree" in the water making it sweet.  What is the purpose of my whole life anyway?  To point others to Christ and to bring God glory.  The "tree" in the water shows that and reminds me that the waters are not bitter at all.

Fits me perfect

Romans 7, especially the last part, fits me right now. I know what I am supposed to do but I'm letting my other side guide me right now.

Someone loves me

Oh, the unconditional love we get from furry faces. ❤

Singles Devotional for me again

You might be seeing a lot of me on here. I'm off Facebook for Lent. :) Time to focus in the more important. Here's what I learned last night:

For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, and the knowledge of God more than burnt offerings. Hosea 6:6

Mercy? God desires mercy from us? What kind of mercy does God desire from us? Mercy towards others? Mercy towards myself? I'll admit, I'm okay in mercy towards certain types of people but not all types. I'm not at all good in mercy towards myself. I'm hanging onto guilt from things I did a long time ago. I use these as excuses to keep me from other things. And mercy towards others? I need to show God's love to everyone regardless of anything that they may have in their lives.

Another Valentine's Day devotional for my self...

I really hate Valentine's Day.  Not so much for the holiday and what it stands for, but for the fact this will be my 35th Valentine's day as a single.  It seems that as the holiday approaches, I see countless reminders that I will spend yet another Valentine's Day as a single.  Life is not all chocolate and roses for me, darlings.

However...

My life is not made up of thorns and empty candy boxes either.  My life is actually quite full, when I really stop to think about the things I do have instead of the things that I don't have (which I have to admit is not very often).  My sweet moods often turn sour when I focus on the wrong things.  Such was an issue the other night.  I was practicing a song to sing at church.  The chorus of the song ends with:

I confess You're always enough for me, You're all I need

(What Love is This performed by Kari Jobe)

 

My mood went south very quickly.  Why?  My mind went to all the things that I didn't have, thinking of all the reasons why I don't let God be enough.  I let my mind run with those thoughts for a little while, and I couldn't listen to the song any longer.  Suddenly, Elkanah's words to Hannah popped into my head.  She was mourning her lack of children, and he says to her, "Am I not better to you than ten sons?" (my words, Scripture found in 1st Samuel)  Hannah was mourning what she didn't have, because the listened to the verbal jabs from her "rival." 

In a way, Satan can be a "rival" in my life.  Instead of listening to my Father, I listen to his taunts.  "You'll never be married, Diana.  You'll never be a mother.  No guy will ever be interested in you. You are a failure because you did this." And on it goes, like a broken record that does not thought.  Actually, all he has to do is play a 10 second intro and I pick up the rest of the song myself.  I've gotten to know all the verses very well.  In fact, many times I have it on repeat all day long.   
 

Hannah did one thing that I haven't done very well.  She took her mourning before the Lord.  I have not.  I tell myself (using the lies from the enemy as substantiation) that God will not answer that prayer, and why ask Him for something that He doesn't intend to give me in the first place?  But do I know the mind of God?  Who am I that I should question Him?  Are His plans or His thoughts my own?  No.  I need to learn from Hannah and take my mourning before the Lord and let Him turn it into joy in His own way.  Will He give me what I ask for?  Probably not, but maybe if I am willing to ask Him, He will give me a new song to sing.  A song full of truth, and not full of lies.