Another Valentine's Day devotional for my self...

I really hate Valentine's Day.  Not so much for the holiday and what it stands for, but for the fact this will be my 35th Valentine's day as a single.  It seems that as the holiday approaches, I see countless reminders that I will spend yet another Valentine's Day as a single.  Life is not all chocolate and roses for me, darlings.

However...

My life is not made up of thorns and empty candy boxes either.  My life is actually quite full, when I really stop to think about the things I do have instead of the things that I don't have (which I have to admit is not very often).  My sweet moods often turn sour when I focus on the wrong things.  Such was an issue the other night.  I was practicing a song to sing at church.  The chorus of the song ends with:

I confess You're always enough for me, You're all I need

(What Love is This performed by Kari Jobe)

 

My mood went south very quickly.  Why?  My mind went to all the things that I didn't have, thinking of all the reasons why I don't let God be enough.  I let my mind run with those thoughts for a little while, and I couldn't listen to the song any longer.  Suddenly, Elkanah's words to Hannah popped into my head.  She was mourning her lack of children, and he says to her, "Am I not better to you than ten sons?" (my words, Scripture found in 1st Samuel)  Hannah was mourning what she didn't have, because the listened to the verbal jabs from her "rival." 

In a way, Satan can be a "rival" in my life.  Instead of listening to my Father, I listen to his taunts.  "You'll never be married, Diana.  You'll never be a mother.  No guy will ever be interested in you. You are a failure because you did this." And on it goes, like a broken record that does not thought.  Actually, all he has to do is play a 10 second intro and I pick up the rest of the song myself.  I've gotten to know all the verses very well.  In fact, many times I have it on repeat all day long.   
 

Hannah did one thing that I haven't done very well.  She took her mourning before the Lord.  I have not.  I tell myself (using the lies from the enemy as substantiation) that God will not answer that prayer, and why ask Him for something that He doesn't intend to give me in the first place?  But do I know the mind of God?  Who am I that I should question Him?  Are His plans or His thoughts my own?  No.  I need to learn from Hannah and take my mourning before the Lord and let Him turn it into joy in His own way.  Will He give me what I ask for?  Probably not, but maybe if I am willing to ask Him, He will give me a new song to sing.  A song full of truth, and not full of lies.