similarities through generations

I've been thinking about a couple of my "past" aunts recently.  Both Miller aunts.  I connected with a cousin a couple of years ago who had information on my Miller ancestry.  More than I thought was out there.  As a result, I have become very curious about a couple of my aunts, Theresa and Sophia.  Neither Theresa nor Sophia ever married.  Sophia gave her life to the service of the Lord, and I admire that greatly.  I don't know a whole lot about Theresa but I do know that she never married. Both of the ladies had the Miller last name.  It may sound strange, but knowing about these two aunts makes me feel a little better about my singleness.  When I think about my future, marriage is never in my thoughts.  I firmly believe that God has called me to be single and that I will never marry.  It's something I struggle with on a daily basis.  Am I a lesser woman because I'm single?  Is there something wrong with me that would not make me a good wife or mother?  No.  I don't think there is anything that causes this.  It all falls under the will of God.  I don't understand it all yet but I know that one day I will see the completed puzzle and it will all make sense.  Being single today doesn't carry as big of a stigma as it when my aunts were alive.  I don't think that it would have bothered Aunt Sophie as she gave her life to the service of the Lord.  I do wonder about Aunt Theresa.  It seems like there was a bigger stigma on single women in the 1800s than there is now.  Did that stop my aunt?  No, not at all.  I have a feeling that she was very successful in whatever she did, and I have historical records to show that she was a respected member of the community. I have also seen an inscription from a Bible that she gave my great-grandpa.  Knowing that she was a woman of strength and of faith, give me strength and faith. It gives me empowerment to get through my day.  Thank you for letting me share with you.

who is my master?

I am going to take the theme from the sermon I heard at church yesterday and run with it.  Bro. Miller (no relation) was preaching on Jesus as Master and the ways we need to let Him be master in our lives.  I have to admit, this was a message that I really needed to hear.  I know of things that need to be done: in my life, at church, etc; but a lot of times I let my "SELF" get in the way and I don't follow in obedience.  This was very true yesterday morning but now is not the time to go into it.  There are many things in my life that I try to do myself and don't let the Lord take control.  I wonder how different my life would be if I would just let Him be master of everything.  I let fear of what I think will happen keep me from following Him fully when he can see the final picture and already knows how my life will turn out.  Who better to finish the puzzle than the one who designed it?  It's hard to tell what the puzzle looks like when you don't have the box, but at least we know who is holding the box.  :-)  I've got to learn to let go of myself and let Him be master, and find the true purpose of who He wants me to be and what He wants me to do.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I may not understand all the things that go on in my life and why things are the way they are, but I do know this.  I think I make a pretty awesome aunt and I love my niece and nephews more than anything.  We had a Naner day at the park today, and I got some pics of them together.  They are the greatest blessings in my life.  I'll probably never have children of my own, but I'm sure glad God put these kids in my life for me to love.

Sleepless on a Sunday

2:45 AM is probably not the best time for me to be blogging, but I've got some things on my mind and I know I will not sleep until I get them off my mind.  And I'm a little too lazy tonight to get out my journal and write everything down.  Then I just typed and deleted.  There are some things I should not blog about, and the things on my mind tonight are some of them.  Good night.

Answered prayers

Over the last couple of years, I've kept a top 10 prayer list of things I intend to pray for until they're answered.  I have been reminded of a couple of these answered prayers recently.  I think it's wonderful the way God remains faithful to His children even when we tend to stray away.  He may not have answered all my prayers with a yes, but it's great to know that He does hear me when I pray.  That is one thing of which I can be certain.  On another note, I believe that God truly does bless His children when they unite and are faithful in doing His work.  Last year, we started a Wed. Night kids program at our church called KidZone.  We were averaging between like 8 and 15 last year.  This year, on our smallest attendance night, we have had more kids than any night last year.  And I think it's great!  Tonight was the best night yet.  We had 28 kids in all.  And even better yet, a few of these kids have realized their need for a Saviour and have accepted Him as Lord.  My own niece and nephew were baptized a couple of weeks ago, and there are a couple of more (in addition to one who was baptized earlier) who will follow in a couple of weeks.  God is doing great things right now and I am so happy to be a part!

Happy Reformation Day!

I've been thinking a lot today about reform, reforming myself mostly.  I've been reading in 1 Peter and this morning I read over the verse that says that a woman's adornment needs to come from her beauty on the inside.  I was reading in the New King James Version, and it had the word merely in the verse.  For a little background info, I have convinced myself that it is not necessary for me to really doll myself up every day because the chances of my finding Mr. Right or even Mr. Somewhat Right are very, very miniscule.  A beautiful spirit is a great thing, but humans are visual creatures and there's nothing about me visually that would attract anyone's attention, except the fact that I'm very overweight (which is not likely to attract positive attention).  I know that I need to lose weight, but I'm not very motivated.  I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  Then I read this verse this morning.  It got me to thinking that maybe I need to try a little more with my outward appearance, not so much to attract Mr. (doesn't exist for me) Right, but to give people the idea that I do care about the body that God has given me and that I need to take better care of it.  So I've got plenty to think on in the next couple of days....So maybe this time next year maybe I can celebrate Reformation Day in a new way!

New perspective on a well-known verse

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.

Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

By the time my freshman year at OBU ended, hearing this verse about drove me crazy.  I think that every student at OBU had a "life verse" (myself included - even have a cool story to go with mine but that's another blog post) and for 95% of them, I'm fairly sure Jeremiah 29:11 was their verse.  (Now, I know this is from the Bible and I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God).  I had kind of like a been there, heard that attitude to this verse until this week.  I was reading in 1 Pet. 1 about the living hope that has been given to us.  Reading the words "living hope" got me to thinking.  I had always thought that hope was something about the future and not something that could get me through today (forgive me for being someone that sees the glass as half empty).  But I know that the important thing is not the path, but the end result.  Then there's the word "prosper".  I tend to think of a prosperous person as someone who has been successful with money and business.  Maybe the word here could refer to faith.  God will help faith to prosper and the result will be a faith-filled future filled with hope.  And the way to have that hope comes two verses after the above verse:

You will search for Me,

And you will find Me,

When you search for Me with your whole heart.

Jeremiah 29:13

(Diana paraphrase - empasis is mine)

Getting to the future and a hope does not require action on God's part alone.  It will take a little effort on my side as well, through prayer, scripture reading, and being open to hearing His voice.

and many many more...

OK.  So I turned the big 34 on Monday.  I must admit, the older I get the more my age bothers me.  I always assumed, when I was younger, that I would marry young and have children young and start a family early.  And the older I get, the more it bothers me.  I feel like I am being punished, and that God is holding out on me  (please, NO Jer. 29:11 quotes here - I'll get to my point).  I'll get over it for a little while and be rolling along fine, and then WHAM!  It hits me right between the eyes again.  I sway between wanting to pray for my future spouse, and praying that God would take this desire from me.  I listened to a lady at a woman's conference one time say that God had told her she would marry one day.  She was over forty and still waiting (not that waiting on God is a bad thing - I know this).  That has stuck in my mind ever since and I have never wanted to be that woman.  I don't want to be waiting around for Prince Charming to ride up on his white stallion.  But in swaying back in forth between the two sides, I think that is exactly what I have been doing.  I haven't really been living my life, and I've remained stuck in the same spot for all these years.

I've wanted to turn away from God, and just not do anything about it at all.  But He has ahold of me and He won't let me go.  The verse about staying firm in the Father's hand is really making sense to me now.  My heart belongs to Him and won't let me forget it.  So now I've reached the point that I'm about to hit rock bottom.  And it frightens me.  I don't know what to do about it.  I'm scared to let go, afraid that He won't catch me.  However, if I don't let go soon and give Him the chance to catch me, I may go splat on the concrete and I would be in worse shape then.  Pray with me that God will give me the courage to let go, and the strength to get through the trying times that are coming, because I can't do it on my own.

though they may not seem positive at first...

I'm not feeling the most positive tonight because my ears are clogged up and they're about to drive me crazy.  I think a visit to the doctor is in order....but here are some positivities from the last couple of weeks:

• Our Wednesday night program at church started back the first part of this month and each time we've exceeded our attendance from last year. 
• I'm seeing blessings in things that I haven't seen before and growing closer to people in the process.
• I'm discovering new purposes in my life and I am finally working through some issues that need to be resolved.
• I am finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and I am certain that it's not a train headed in my direction.

So things are looking very up.  I'm still working through some issues, but God is working in me and I'm hoping these will no longer be issues soon. 

There shall be showers of blessings in disguise

I'm really beginning to realize that there are many blessings in my life that have been in disguise.  People I have "known" for years that I really didn't know at all.  Once I let myself get to know these people, they are a lot different than I thought they would be.  And it's a GREAT blessing having these people in my life.  There are parts of my life that I've considered a burden that I've started to see as a blessing and their former importance is disappearing and being replaced by things that are truly important.  I think some exciting changes are ahead...and I'm looking forward to the journey with the Lord by my side.

The key to freedom - Truth

You will know the truth and the truth will set you free - John 8:32

I am one of those people who has a hard time letting go of things.  Not physical things, but mental things.  One of the mental things I have a hard time letting go of is my desire for marriage and the fact that this desire remains unfulfilled, and the fact that it looks like it might remain forever unfulfilled.  In order to make sense of this, I try to make truth out of the lies that are fed to me by the roaring lion.  These lies are not roared at me, but whispered to me and I am the one that roars them out to myself.  If I start telling myself these lies in the morning, my entire day is ruined.  I find it hard to accomplish anything else because I am so focused on the lies.  I'm tired of it and want to be free from it.  And the way to get free from it is to tell myself the truth.  The truth is that God is in control. I may not understand why somethings happen, but He has a purpose for keeping me single for the present moment, and maybe for the rest of my life.  Maybe it's to help someone who is also wanting something and doesn't understand why is hasn't came to pass in their life.  I don't know and I may not know until I reach heaven.  I've got to keep this truth in my head, instead of letting it be filled with lies by the one who is out to keep me from reaching the potential that God has for me.  It's time for me to step out of the prison of lies, and into the freedom that only the truth can bring.

Side note:  I told the kids at church that exchanging the belt of truth for a belt of lies or not dealing with the truth at all is like having to have a belt to keep your pants on.  When I start off my day without putting the belt of truth on, it's like not being fully dressed and prepared for the day.  It's a prime article of clothing needed to complete my morning toilette.  And it's high time I started every day with the truth, so instead of dwelling on the lies, I can rest in the truth and be who God made me to be.

Postivie Partnerships part 2

I'm finding that in some areas, I'm not even having to ask for help.  The partnerships, or more like teams, are forming themselves.  I think I really needed to get rid of my preconceived notions and focus on the purpose of why the partnership exists, and not what I'm expecting others to do.  The only person I need to be worried about is myself, and not others.  So God is working all of this for the positive.  :-)  Short blog for the day but I think appropriate for the anniversary of 9/11/01.  We all have to work together, for positiveness and for the benefit of others.

Positive partnerships

I am so bad about wanting to do things on my own, not wanting to ask for help because I'm afraid that no one will be able to or want to help.  However, I've learned that doing things on my own only leads to burnout, and then I don't want to do anything at all.  I also believe that not asking for help may be one of the reasons that I feel I don't belong sometimes.  I took a big step recently, in actually asking someone to help me.   It worked out very well, a lot better than I thought it would.  God blessed the partnership with 100% positive results, and I believe that is just the beginning.  :-) 

More positivities from the Psalms

Is there a better color for positivities than purple? (I know my friend Maggie would agree LOL).  Tonight I read in Psalm 3 & 4.  I really don't know what made me start reading in Psalms on the first but it seemed like a good place to start.  In reading tonight's verses, I don't really feel that people are rising up against me but I feel sometimes that I am going to have to struggle with some things for my whole life.  I've prayed for God to take them away, but He has not.  I know that He probably has a plan for these things, and will use them in ways that I never expected.  I know that He is in it, and that when I get through it I will be stronger and He will receive greater glory for it.  And that is more important than me getting what I want and what I think I need.  Who better to decide what I need than the one who created me?  :-)  Psalm 4 ends with one of my favorite Bible verses:

I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;
         For You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Good night!

Naneristic Positivity for the day

Sept. 1 - I pick up my Bible (for the first time in many days) and open up to Psalm 1.  I struggle a lot with God's timing and when/if things are supposed to happen.  When reading verse three, a thought came to me. 

"A tree...that brings forth it's fruit in it's season"

 

Different trees produce their fruit in different seasons and it takes longer on some trees than on others.  Plus, there are some trees that don't bear fruit, because they are not by the river.  My fruit has not been very evident lately because I have not been spending enough time at the river, and when I don't spend enough time at the river, it affects everything I do.  If I plant myself by the river, my leaves will not wither when drought comes, and I will still produce fruit. I have been fleeing the River when drought comes.  In actuality, I should have been doing the opposite.  I should run to the River when drought comes, so I can still bear fruit and remain positive.  The negativity in my life becomes so much more evident when I fail to spend time at the River.  Pray with me that I will spend more time at the River, so that I will be more positive in my life, and in that way also be more positive to the others who are in my life. 

Positivities

I have negativeness fixated on my brain and I can feel it eating away at my positiveness like sugar on a tooth - leave it setting too long and a cavity begins to form.  So I'm going to list some positivities.  :-)

1. I am positive about my eternal security.  I know where I'm going when I die.  I hope you do too.  Want to know how?  Just ask me.
2. I am positive that this summer has been the hottest summer in a long time and that fall will eventually get here.
3. I am positive that I need to focus more on the positive in my life!
4. My niece and nephews are the greatest positivities in my life!  
5. I am positive that tomorrow is Friday!
6. I am positive that once I get some sleep maybe my negativeness will go away...heehee.

negative creeps back in...

Ok.  So I was going good for a week.  Then I hit a brick wall again.  There is something at the root of my negativeness and I need to spend some time finding out what that is.  It's rotten spiritual fruit, but it's not as easy to get to as a rotten apple in the fruit bowl.  I have some rotten fruit, I know its there, but I'm not entirely sure what is making it rotten.  I have an idea, but I'm afraid to find out the truth.  Rotten spiritual fruit, although it may be hard to find sometimes, slowly takes over all the other spiritual fruit.  Then all that spews out of the mouth is moldy, rotten fruit salad.   I don't know about you, but I like my fruit salad fresh (and I'm sure everyone around me is getting tired of rotten fruit salad as well).  Pray with me that I would toss out all of the rotten fruit and fill my fruit bowl with fresh spiritual fruit.  Also pray that I would let God fill the place in my life that only He can fill, that I would stop searching out other ways to fill the hole.

When God answers with a "no"

This is something that's been on my mind a lot lately.  There are some people who are going to go through life wanting something, praying for something, and they are never going to get what they want.  Myself included.  At least that's my take on it.  I'm not talking about that expensive car or a house on the beach.  I'm talking about more spiritual/relationship type stuff here.  I just can't see where some of the things that I am praying for are going to happen, in relation to myself that is.  And I know that all seems negative, but here comes the positive.  The positive thing is for me to quit being negative about getting what I want and rebelling when I feel that God is saying no.  What I need to do is be positive: keep praying, keep reading my Bible, and keep seeking God.  It's when I stop doing these things that the negativity starts to creep in and I stop praying, reading, seeking.  By seeking God and continuing to pray, I believe that some of the things I'm praying for will turn more to match his will and what I thought I wanted won't really be what I needed and what I start to want will be what He wants.  There are still some things that I may want that I will never have but if I keep praying and seeking God, my faith will be stronger and my relationship with him better.  After all, it's not about what the rest of my life will be like.  It should really be about how what I'm doing and what I'm praying for is going to effect eternity.