Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Finally read between the lines....

One of the wonderful things about Scripture is that the second or third time you read a certain portion is usually the time that it really makes sense.  I've been stewing (stewing, fuming, crying, wailing, thinking, and stewing some more) over a certain portion of Scripture for over a week now.  And tonight, I think I finally get what God is trying to tell me. 

Those that know me real well can tell you that my singleness is something that I'm OK with for a little while, and then it starts to bother me, then I'm OK with it for a while, then it starts to bother me again.  Well, I'm in a period of botheredness right now.  I wouldn't say that it's necessarily that I want to be married all that much, but the thought of marriage does cross my mind every now and again.

Back to the Scripture.  I had been listening to the song "Jesus, Friend of Sinners" by Casting Crowns in my car a lot recently.  There's a part of the song that says "[I'm a] grateful leper at your feet," which brought to my mind the story of the ten lepers, and only one coming back to thank Jesus for healing them, found in Luke 17:11-19.  I like to read the verses surround a passage when I am studying my Bible.  Preceding this passage, in verses 5-10 is the following passage:
And the apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith.”
So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you. And which of you, having a servant plowing or tending sheep, will say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and sit down to eat’? But will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare something for my supper, and gird yourself and serve me till I have eaten and drunk, and afterward you will eat and drink’? Does he thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I think not. 10 So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.’”
My first thought on this passage (after reading on a night when I was trying to understand through my emotions instead of my brain), was that I shouldn't expect anything from God for just doing what I am supposed to do.  When I became a Christian, I gave my life to Christ, it doesn't belong to me anymore, and I should be doing what God has asked me to do, without expecting anything in return.  [talk about a run-on sentence]  Then the next morning, after a lengthy text discussion with a friend, I thought it meant more like "last shall be first," "lose your life to find it," and "take up my cross daily."  So taking my eyes off the cross (big mistake), I look at the people around me and I'm want to scream and yell, why do I have to give up everything I want when everyone else seems to have what they want?  In taking my eyes off the cross, I fail to see what God is trying to get me to see. 

So after a lengthy gripe in my journal tonight, I decide that I need to take another look at this Scripture.  I just knew there was something else in there that God was trying to tell me.  Well, I figured it out tonight.  It's all in verse 6.  "Faith as a grain of mustard seed."  It starts with faith.  I was looking at the works end of it, and works is not what is going to get me into heaven.  It's faith.  When I have faith, I'm inspired to do good works.  I shouldn't do just one thing, and then expect God to just hand over everything that I want.  Being a Christian is about so much more than that.  Just like the Master doesn't tell the servant to sit and eat after coming in from the fields, God doesn't hand over a gift and say "here, open this" after I've completed one task.  I'm not saying that God doesn't give blessing upon blessing to His children, He continues to bless us even when we are not following Him the way that we should.  I just believe that blessings are easier to recognize when we are doing what we are supposed to for Him. 

So, what have I gleaned from this Scripture?  First, I've got to keep the faith.  I can't fully accomplish what God wants me to accomplish without faith.  Even with a tiny bit of faith, God can accomplish great things through anyone.  Second, I've got to keep working for Him.  I can't just quit when I've only done a couple of things.  There are things to be done all the time.  Third, I've got to remember that what I'm doing is not for me, but for Him.  The recognition for the things I can accomplish must be given to Him, because I'm just doing what He called me to do.  That's a small price for me to pay considering the larger price that was paid just so I can do these things and be able to have a relationship with Him.

I told someone recently that if I'm supposed to be married, I want to look up and find my future spouse working right beside me for the Lord.  So whether or not he's out there somewhere, there is work that needs to be done and the Master is calling me to work. 

Friday, January 27, 2012

A warning to the bully out there....

There is a big bully out there picking on my friends and family.  I won't name any names, but he likes to dress up as a sheep when he is really a lion, looking for someone to devour.  Well, he'd better watch out.  I'm on to his tricks.  I belong to someone else, he can't have me.  My friends belong to someone else too.  We are free from condemnation, we are free from the bondage of sin that once enslaved us.  If he needs a bigger reminder, here's one: 


And by the way, I've read the back of the Book.  I know who wins the battle.  So try your best.  The battle for my soul has already been fought, and I know who the winner is.  My God is bigger than you!


Thursday, January 26, 2012

Picking up my bag of rocks again...

There is an issue that I have been struggling with for a long time.  I'll think that I've gotten rid of it, and before too long, up pops its ugly head again.  It's like the monster in my closet, that really shouldn't be an issue but I make more of it that it really is.  I even think sometimes that I leave it at the feet of Jesus, when in actuality what I have done is attached a long bungee cord to it.  When I get far enough away from the cross, it comes bouncing right back.  So I go along for a while, thinking that I am doing very well, when in actuality I'm getting farther away from the cross.  The farther away I get from the cross, the tighter the bungee cord gets, and the quicker my bag of rocks comes bouncing back to me.  It's so heavy, it knocks me flat.  Many times, it takes a while for me to get back up.  I believe what I truly need to do it take it to the feet of Jesus, turn around so He can untie bungee cord and hide it, and then I can turn back around and keep my eyes on Him.  When I think I've given it to Him and then turn around and take my eyes off the cross, the easier it will be to find it again.  The funny thing is that as I type this, I see how true this scenario is....

I know this is a short post, but apparently I have a bag of rocks to deliver to Someone so they can be hidden from me...

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Serenity in Singleness

So I thought I would be smart and look up a singles' prayer.  Hahahahahahaha.  What I got was a singles' prayer marathon that guaranteed that my Godly spouse would show up soon and that I could be married by January 27th.  Can you hear my laughter as I type?  So then I thought I would be creative and maybe reword the Serenity Prayer and make it fit for singles.  So I looked it up.  And as I read it, I realized that it was perfect as it was and really fit in with my post from yesterday evening.  I had never read it in its entirety.  Here it is in case you've never read it all:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
- Reinhold Niebuhr

Monday, January 23, 2012

12523 and counting....

That's how old I am in days.  Sounds like a lot doesn't it?  I wonder how many of those days has made God smile?  Days have been on my mind lately.  I heard a song on the radio yesterday that started the wheels going in my head.  It took me all afternoon yesterday to find it, because I only remembered a couple of words but here it is:


So now that I'm blogging about this song, I'm going to have to jam to it in the background.  :-)  It just really got me thinking about how many days I spend worrying about what's going to happen in the future or fretting about what has happened in the past.  How many times in the past I wish I would have done something differently, or not said that phrase, or took more time with my niece and nephews or didn't sign on that dotted line (again and again and again).  What's going to happen in the future with my life, my job, my church, my niece and nephews, what will I wear tomorrow, how am I going to pay that bill, where's my other black shoe because I'm wearing my black pants tomorrow, etc.  I can't change the things in my past and worrying about the things in the future will not make them any better.  No one knows the future but God.

I was so upset by these little things this morning that I almost missed the most beautiful sunrise.  Red, orange, yellow, beautiful colors.  How many times am I too busy to notice the sunset, the rabbit sitting in the bushes, the robin sitting on the limb of the tree, two squirrels chasing each other down the electric line?  Or the cloud that looks like an elephant sitting in a rowboat chasing a hippo in on a raft?  How many times do I miss the asteroids flying through the night sky?  The yellow harvest moon rising over the horizon?  Or watch the sun set over the Oklahoma hills?

Psalm 90:12 says "Teach us to number our days."  So I numbered mine.  That's a lot of days.  And I don't know how many more I have left.  But I know that I need to make better use of them, and not look back or try to look too far into my future.  So if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go look at some stars, and thank God for the day He has given me...

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Sermon Illustrations from a non-preacher

Many times, as I go through my week, I'll see little things that remind me of my Christian walk.  This week, a couple of these images came from my pets.  First example is my precious pup Porky.  Porky, bless his little heart, is a chicken.  He hides from most everything.  He'll come out for me, and he loves to his head scratched, but it's always within the safety of the fence.  If a stranger enters the fence or if I try to get him to come out of the fence to go for a walk, he won't.  He hides when strangers come in, and no matter how much I cajole and coax him, he won't come out.  His sisters love to get out and run around the yard, but not Porky.  If I leave the gate on the fence open, and try to get him out to run around in the yard, he won't come out.  He'll come to the gate and maybe take two steps out, but he won't come all the way out.  This week, Porky worked up some courage and followed his sisters out of the fence.  He didn't run around as much as they did, but he did come out.  This struck me as similar to some Christians: they are comfortable in their specific pew, their specific role in the church (or non-role if they are not active in the ministry of the church), and they are not willing to venture outside of the fence even if God is calling them.  They may venture out a little, but then are ready to get right back into their comfort zone.  Fear or even laziness may keep them from taking the step outside of the fence, even if the Father is waiting on the other side for them.

Another example I saw this week is my "extra" cats.  I have a tender heart, and I can't stand to see an animal hungry.  We had a kitten that had been staying under the house.  I had seen him several times, so I started putting out food for him.  He took that as a good sign and decided to start showing up when I was feeding the dogs, and it did not bother him at all to be vocal about his hunger.  He wanted no part of me, except for the food.  He would not (and still will not) let me pet him, but he will come close and meow to let me know that he is hungry.  I call him Tigger.  The feeding becomes a regular things, and apparently Tigger spreads the word.  It's not long before Foxy and Calvin start showing up to eat as well.  Now, they are the same as Tigger.  They are wild and do not like to be touched.  They are not as vocal as Tigger, but still show up when they know it's dinner time.  These cats remind me of the people who want what the church has to offer in the way of assistance and handouts, but want no part of salvation or Jesus.  Like these cats, the church (Jesus) offers what they need for eternal, but if we get to close to them to offer this assistance, they hiss and growl and run in the other direction.  This also applies to Christians who have fallen away, and Christ offers the healing and mercy and grace that they need, but they turn the opposite direction and don't reach out for the help.  The thing about these "cats" though, is that with love and patience and grace, we may be able to reach them.  Tigger is gradually coming closer and closer, and I was actually able to pet him this week, but only for a second before he realized what I was doing.  I think its only a matter of time until I have him completely tame.  Same way with people, with patience and love, we can show them the way to Jesus.

Then there's my precocious Prince Inki.  My demanding, feed-me-now cat.  When he wants something, he has no problem letting me know about it.  And he will not hush until I give him what he wants.  He has rare times of patience, but most of the time it's "I want it and I want it now."  Sometimes he will have a full dish of food, what he needs, but he is not hapy with it until someone puts different food into his dish.  I know that we can be the same way sometimes.  We have what we need, but we beg and plead and pray and cry, because we don't have what we think we want or need.  We don't open our eyes and see what we already have, or don't realize that we don't have what we think we want or need  because God knows that it is not the best thing for us at the time.  We may not know why on this side of eternity, but we have to trust that God knows what it right for us and that He will give us what we need, just as Inki knows that I will give him food when he needs it.

Where are you in these?  I see a little of myself in all three.  I am more like Porky right now, in that I am not wanting to get out of the fence and follow God.  I'm not trusting that what is on the other side of the fence is what is best for me, and I am content to be a chicken and stay in the fence where I am comfortable.  Even if I see the others outside of the fence, and know that they are happy and content to follow the master, I may take a couple of steps out but I lose faith and trust and turn around and run right back in.  I feel God calling me out of the fence, to leave my comfortable pen and follow Him where ever but I am scared to follow when I don't know the path.  I know the destination but not the path.  And that scares me.  Do I have the courage to follow my brothers and sisters?  To be a part of that "great cloud of witnesses" that have gone on before? 

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The scariest words in the world to me...

I am beginning to think that I got ahead of myself a couple of posts ago.  I may not necessarily be called to be single for life.  I read one time that a person doesn't know that they are for sure called to lifelong singleness until they die single.  This point brings me to the title of my blog.  The scariest words in the world to me are the words "I don't know."  I am OK with change, as long as I know what is happening.  If I have an idea of how things are going to change, I can usually roll with the change.  It's not knowing what's going to happen that scares me.  I think what bothered me most about my singleness was not knowing what was going to happen in my future.  I think it would be easier to know whether or not I was going to be single for life.  I used the past tense on the prior sentence because during my Scripture readings in the last couple of days, I have felt led in a different direction.  I feel that God is telling me that I just need to realize that He knows what is going to happen, He will be with me through it all, and as long as I let Him guide me, the change that comes (when and if it comes) will be handle-able (how's that for a run-on sentence and making up words?). 

I feel like I have spent the last few years wandering around in the wilderness like the children of Israel after they were led out of Egypt.  They had seen God do so many wondrous things, yet they had a hard time believing and accepting that He was really doing what was best for them.  They got to the point where they thought it would be better for them to go back to Egypt, and back to the slavery from which they had previously wanted to be free.  The misconceptions and illusions that I have had about my life in the last few years have essentially had me enslaved.  God has done many wondrous things in my life, foremost saving me from a life of sin, and bringing me into a relationship with Him.  There are many other things, too numerous to mention in a simple blog post.  So to let not knowing what is going to happen in my life keep me wandering in a wilderness of illusion is about as crazy as the Hebrews wanting to go back to Egypt.  Only I haven't let God free me from my slavery.  I am wondering around the wilderness dragging my ball and chain with me. 

Over the last couple of months, God has been showing me that it does not matter what happens in my life.  What matters the most is that I let Him have control, believing that He knows what is best for me.  The important thing is not whether or not I marry, have children, stay single, or make a lot of money.  The important thing is that my life is pointing people to Him.  There are still issues I have to work out, things from the past that the enemy likes to through in my face to get me off track.  As long as I keep my face pointed towards the Son, and try to stay rooted in the Word, I think things will be great.  I'm looking forward to what future wondrous things God is going to show me.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Positive Promises, #1

My next couple of posts will be on promises found in God's Word that have been revealed in my life in the last couple of years.  There are many promises in God's Word, you just have to look for them. 

  1. Promise #1, Isaiah 54:1-3 (now, I'm not barren, but I am single and this verse has meant a lot to me).  The number of children coming to our church has really grown in the last few months.  And we seem to get new ones every week.  It's really good to see, and also good to hear, the sound of lots of children in our church.
  2. Promise #2, no one can take us out of the Father's hand.  I have wanted to rebel and just run away many times, but I felt His love holding onto me.  It would not let me go.  How grateful I am that He loves me that much! 
  3. Promise #3, 1 John 1:9, forgiveness when we ask for it.  There have been so many times when I should have just been struck down for the things I've said and done.  I'm not perfect, but His Love is and it will cleanse us when we ask Him to heal and forgive us.
More to come....

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Positive rant time...

As a single, I get sick and tired of hearing "your time is going to come" and "there's a man out there for you" and "my sister-in-law's beautician's nephew's step-dad's brother is single" and yada yada yada.  I think as young children we're told too often that we are going to grow up and find our prince or princess and live happily ever after.  It continues all through our childhood.  "Save yourself for your spouse" and you will honor God.  A good friend (you know who you are) brought up this weekend that we should be told that you should keep yourself pure because this honors God and is the right thing to do.  And I agree.  Not everyone is destined to remain single, but in the world we live in it's becoming more and more the thing to live life for oneself and leave God out of the picture.  For many of us, it's difficult to find a Godly spouse, a person whose goals are the same as ours.  At least I know it's been difficult with me.  However, if we can find our purpose and find contentment in what we are doing and truly seek God in what we do everyday, I don't think it will matter that much.  I feel like I've been living for so long waiting for Mr. Right to show up around the next corner that I've wasted too much time.  And it's time for that to end.  I'm praying that 2012 is going to be a great year!  I know that God has great things in store and I can't wait to see what He is going to do!