Sleepless on a Sunday

2:45 AM is probably not the best time for me to be blogging, but I've got some things on my mind and I know I will not sleep until I get them off my mind.  And I'm a little too lazy tonight to get out my journal and write everything down.  Then I just typed and deleted.  There are some things I should not blog about, and the things on my mind tonight are some of them.  Good night.

Answered prayers

Over the last couple of years, I've kept a top 10 prayer list of things I intend to pray for until they're answered.  I have been reminded of a couple of these answered prayers recently.  I think it's wonderful the way God remains faithful to His children even when we tend to stray away.  He may not have answered all my prayers with a yes, but it's great to know that He does hear me when I pray.  That is one thing of which I can be certain.  On another note, I believe that God truly does bless His children when they unite and are faithful in doing His work.  Last year, we started a Wed. Night kids program at our church called KidZone.  We were averaging between like 8 and 15 last year.  This year, on our smallest attendance night, we have had more kids than any night last year.  And I think it's great!  Tonight was the best night yet.  We had 28 kids in all.  And even better yet, a few of these kids have realized their need for a Saviour and have accepted Him as Lord.  My own niece and nephew were baptized a couple of weeks ago, and there are a couple of more (in addition to one who was baptized earlier) who will follow in a couple of weeks.  God is doing great things right now and I am so happy to be a part!

Happy Reformation Day!

I've been thinking a lot today about reform, reforming myself mostly.  I've been reading in 1 Peter and this morning I read over the verse that says that a woman's adornment needs to come from her beauty on the inside.  I was reading in the New King James Version, and it had the word merely in the verse.  For a little background info, I have convinced myself that it is not necessary for me to really doll myself up every day because the chances of my finding Mr. Right or even Mr. Somewhat Right are very, very miniscule.  A beautiful spirit is a great thing, but humans are visual creatures and there's nothing about me visually that would attract anyone's attention, except the fact that I'm very overweight (which is not likely to attract positive attention).  I know that I need to lose weight, but I'm not very motivated.  I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  Then I read this verse this morning.  It got me to thinking that maybe I need to try a little more with my outward appearance, not so much to attract Mr. (doesn't exist for me) Right, but to give people the idea that I do care about the body that God has given me and that I need to take better care of it.  So I've got plenty to think on in the next couple of days....So maybe this time next year maybe I can celebrate Reformation Day in a new way!

New perspective on a well-known verse

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.

Plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

By the time my freshman year at OBU ended, hearing this verse about drove me crazy.  I think that every student at OBU had a "life verse" (myself included - even have a cool story to go with mine but that's another blog post) and for 95% of them, I'm fairly sure Jeremiah 29:11 was their verse.  (Now, I know this is from the Bible and I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God).  I had kind of like a been there, heard that attitude to this verse until this week.  I was reading in 1 Pet. 1 about the living hope that has been given to us.  Reading the words "living hope" got me to thinking.  I had always thought that hope was something about the future and not something that could get me through today (forgive me for being someone that sees the glass as half empty).  But I know that the important thing is not the path, but the end result.  Then there's the word "prosper".  I tend to think of a prosperous person as someone who has been successful with money and business.  Maybe the word here could refer to faith.  God will help faith to prosper and the result will be a faith-filled future filled with hope.  And the way to have that hope comes two verses after the above verse:

You will search for Me,

And you will find Me,

When you search for Me with your whole heart.

Jeremiah 29:13

(Diana paraphrase - empasis is mine)

Getting to the future and a hope does not require action on God's part alone.  It will take a little effort on my side as well, through prayer, scripture reading, and being open to hearing His voice.

and many many more...

OK.  So I turned the big 34 on Monday.  I must admit, the older I get the more my age bothers me.  I always assumed, when I was younger, that I would marry young and have children young and start a family early.  And the older I get, the more it bothers me.  I feel like I am being punished, and that God is holding out on me  (please, NO Jer. 29:11 quotes here - I'll get to my point).  I'll get over it for a little while and be rolling along fine, and then WHAM!  It hits me right between the eyes again.  I sway between wanting to pray for my future spouse, and praying that God would take this desire from me.  I listened to a lady at a woman's conference one time say that God had told her she would marry one day.  She was over forty and still waiting (not that waiting on God is a bad thing - I know this).  That has stuck in my mind ever since and I have never wanted to be that woman.  I don't want to be waiting around for Prince Charming to ride up on his white stallion.  But in swaying back in forth between the two sides, I think that is exactly what I have been doing.  I haven't really been living my life, and I've remained stuck in the same spot for all these years.

I've wanted to turn away from God, and just not do anything about it at all.  But He has ahold of me and He won't let me go.  The verse about staying firm in the Father's hand is really making sense to me now.  My heart belongs to Him and won't let me forget it.  So now I've reached the point that I'm about to hit rock bottom.  And it frightens me.  I don't know what to do about it.  I'm scared to let go, afraid that He won't catch me.  However, if I don't let go soon and give Him the chance to catch me, I may go splat on the concrete and I would be in worse shape then.  Pray with me that God will give me the courage to let go, and the strength to get through the trying times that are coming, because I can't do it on my own.

though they may not seem positive at first...

I'm not feeling the most positive tonight because my ears are clogged up and they're about to drive me crazy.  I think a visit to the doctor is in order....but here are some positivities from the last couple of weeks:

• Our Wednesday night program at church started back the first part of this month and each time we've exceeded our attendance from last year. 
• I'm seeing blessings in things that I haven't seen before and growing closer to people in the process.
• I'm discovering new purposes in my life and I am finally working through some issues that need to be resolved.
• I am finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel and I am certain that it's not a train headed in my direction.

So things are looking very up.  I'm still working through some issues, but God is working in me and I'm hoping these will no longer be issues soon. 

There shall be showers of blessings in disguise

I'm really beginning to realize that there are many blessings in my life that have been in disguise.  People I have "known" for years that I really didn't know at all.  Once I let myself get to know these people, they are a lot different than I thought they would be.  And it's a GREAT blessing having these people in my life.  There are parts of my life that I've considered a burden that I've started to see as a blessing and their former importance is disappearing and being replaced by things that are truly important.  I think some exciting changes are ahead...and I'm looking forward to the journey with the Lord by my side.